I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
