high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
