Just fell off a train. Bad.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
