Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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