It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
