ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
