God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
My pussy is not your playground.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
