you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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