When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
