I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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