Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
