my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize