it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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