Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
