I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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