So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
