i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
