Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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