How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
