if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
