I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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