I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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