hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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