Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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