also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
