I bet he comes in French.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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