I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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