youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
