He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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