Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
whose ass print is on the piano?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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