Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I need to align my fucking chakras
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
