No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
