what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
