Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize