The beer is more important than you right now.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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