She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
