Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
