toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
