Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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