I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
