Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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