just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
