a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
