I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
