before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
