Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
