he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
