I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
