see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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