Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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