I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
