i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
