I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
