she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
