none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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