guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She told me I should be a condom model.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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