True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
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