Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize