So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
