I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
