Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize