Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
