Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Boobs are out for the taking
My dick has a subreddit
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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