yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
