we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
