I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
