I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
