You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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