Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
