I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
