my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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