I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
