I'm pants shitting drunk right now
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Let's get the cat blown out
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
