I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Pants are for mortals
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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