i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
