Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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