According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
