You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
